I’m not entirely sure if this constitutes as a hash. There aren’t any potatoes, or meat, so…
But what matters is that it tasted pr-e-tt-y good if I do say so myself. And I do say so.
The solution to my “is it even a hash” predicament could be easily solved by making some google searches, but I fear that in doing so I will find that my creation has already been created. I’d like to think that this is a new idea. I’m gonna guess that it isn’t, but hey, let’s not deny me that joy in life.
So here you have it folks, one of the easiest and yummiest (not to mention healthiest) breakfast options on the market. I call it “Cari’s Eggciting Christmas Colored Breakfast”. How’s that for creativity? 10 stars for making it sound like an elementary school meal menu. Another 10 for making you lose your appetite. Sorry.
0.5 oz. of diced onions
1.4 oz. diced green beans
1.8 oz. diced red bell peppers
1/2 T coconut oil for the pan
In terms of all of the diced ingredients, you’re probably like “why does it say 1.8 oz. That’s so random.” Yes. Indeed. It is random. It all depends on how much you want with your egg. Have fun, knock yourself out with the endless possibilities.
Unless you are very into crunchy green beans, steam them first so you won’t have to saute them as long.
Put 1/2 T of coconut oil on medium heat, then add the onions for two minutes.
Add the green beans and red peppers for another two minutes. Stir them around.
If you are satisfied with how cooked your ingredients are, just crack that egg and dump it right on.
Smell it because yum.
Personally, I liked to have the yolk dribble onto the other ingredients, but that’s up to you.
Once the egg is cooked, add salt and pepper to taste.
EAT IT and pat yourself on the back, you little culinary pro.
It’s probably terrible to title something with the parenthetical “in progress”, because that’s pretty much a way for me to highlight something as unimportant for y’all to read. However, it is my last day of spring break, and I currently have nothing to do because I live a wild, wild life. So without further ado, here is a recipe for raspberry cake that needs a bit of revision.
I will preface this by saying that it actually tasted good. That’s what everyone wants to hear, isn’t it? Very reassuring. But seriously. I had a slice, and I wanted another, so I had to settle for pathetically eating the crumbs off of the slot my slice was from in attempts to create some illusion of more cake. The only problem was that it was crazy moist, and I know that’s typically a good thing, but it was so moist that you couldn’t even cut out a slice without it falling apart. Since no one is going to read this, this is pretty much a place for me to write down my recipe, say where it went wrong, and give suggestions as to how I will remedy it next time. If you do come across this for some odd reason, then hey you should try the suggestions! I honestly think it has potential!
Ingredients (*read notes before getting these unless you want a drippy cake*):
1-3/4 cups hazelnut flour
2 tbs–coconut flour
2 tbs–almond flour
1/2 cup–pecan flour (we just crushed up pecans because we didn’t have any flour)
1/4 cup–macadamia flour (Same as above. Crushed)
4 tbs–cream cheese
2 tbs–chia seeds (for 2 chia eggs)
3/4 cups–Swerve (or another sweetener that has the same sweetness ratio as sugar)
1 tbs–vanilla extract
2 dashes–raspberry extract (we actually have a measuring spoon that is labeled “dash” so you might want to Google how much that is, since apparently it’s a legit baking term)
1 cup–coconut almond milk
1 tsp–baking powder
1 tsp–psyllium husk
1/2 cup–coconut oil
2 oz– chocolate chips
Ghee, or something else to grease the pan
9x9x3 cake pan
**Okay, here is what you should know about the numerous mistakes I made.
Problem #1: The cake didn’t raise that much. But it is made from nut flower, so there isn’t much you can do there. Buttermilk would probably help, and if that’s part of your diet (it’s not part of mine) then go for it. You could experiment with more baking powder, however once you hit a certain point it will mess with the taste, so be careful about that.
Problem #2: The cake was so wet that it was like shedding tears in the oven. We had to open four windows even though it’s winter, and turn on the fan to get the oily fog smell out of our kitchen. Honestly, after everything that I’ve said about this cake, I can understand why you’d abandon my blog. I’m all “here’s a horrible recipe, take it!” and I expect you to stay. Actually, I don’t expect anyone to see this because I don’t really understand how to advertise a blog. Not that I really want anyone to see this. But trust me, mom and dad (since you’ll be the only people reading this) this cake actually tasted really good! And once I got past the smell of hot oil, I thought it smelled pretty killer!
But back to the problem at hand.
Problem #2 (this time actually addressing the problem): The cake was too moist. Now, let’s put on our handy dandy detective goggles and try to find a reason for this.
Well, first of all the pan I used had removable sides, which meant there was a crack for the ghee to melt out of. So that was probably 50% of the problem. So either don’t use that type of pan, or put a baking pan on the level below it, so the oil will drip there. Or maybe less ghee. Or maybe something that isn’t ghee.
I could probably use less butter and coconut oil.
The psyllium might’ve made it too moist, so you could try cutting that out.
Chia seeds are notorious for adding moisture, and I had 2 chia eggs which could’ve made it way too squishy. So a potential remedy would be experimenting with taking one of them out.
The other thing that would’ve added moisture was the coconut almond milk, but I’m guessing that’s not the main reason it was falling apart.
Problem #3:There’s too much protein (for my diet anyways). It ended up totaling to 59 grams of protein in the entire cake, so depending on how you want to slice that up you could end up with more protein than preferable. But either way this entire cake is really healthy compared to what you would get at Cafe Latte or Target or wherever.
Problem #4:I mean it’s not the prettiest cake. Obviously it doesn’t look like this beautiful white cloud-like creation. I hope that someday I’ll be able to find a way to make a cake with the same consistency as a carb crammed store bought cake, but until then I will have to settle for drippy protein Chocolate Chip Raspberry cake. It tastes good I swear.
Problem #5:There isn’t any frosting. What?? How could that be? Cake without frosting? That’s like a person without hair! Well, here is where I point out that bald people get along just fine. And they have benefits too, like they don’t have to deal with shampoo and conditioner. Similarly, no frosting means you don’t have to worry about extra protein and sweetener and carbs. Just kidding, it needs frosting (bald people are still cool though–I stay true to my no shampoo claim. Unless they have special head cleaning stuff. I don’t really know. Maybe I should just delete the whole bald metaphor). Taste-wise, it was too sweet for extra sweetness with frosting. But, if you look above to Prolem #4, you’ll remember that it doesn’t look like a cake, and frosting would help with that. So I will find a frosting recipe that doesn’t have excess protein and carbs and get back to you! And then we will also lower the sweetness, which leads us to…
Problem #6: I think Fun Dip tastes great, and this was still too sweet for me. Okay, so I haven’t had Fun Dip since those 4th grade Valentine’s Day parties, and maybe I enjoyed them because they were practically contraband in our house, so maybe comparing it to Fun Dip is too harsh,seeing as my sweetness tolerance has gone down a bit since then. So allow me to rephrase. I am obsessed with eating baked goods, and I am a 15 year old girl that once went practically two weeks eating ice cream every day (ah such times of innocence), but this cake was still too sweet for me. It’s not like so sweet you can’t eat it though. I had tea on the side which neutralized the sweetness. But I would’ve liked to put less sweetener in it–I just made a math error which resulted in an uneven ratio of flour to sweetener. So I would take out the xylitol, or lessen the amount of Stevia or Swerve, or a bit of all three.
Problem #7:The cake was so squishy that we didn’t know how long to bake for. So yeah, maybe less chia seeds and other moisture causing stuff, because that made the bake time ridiculously long. And maybe you could play around with temperature too.
So I think those were all of the problems! Whew. That was actually so exhausting. Man. I should’ve just titled that “Reasons Why You Should Not Bake This Cake” but I assure you, and this coming from that 2 weeks worth of ice cream girl, this actually tastes really good! The chocolate chips and raspberry flavor kind of melt together in your mouth.
Alright, now on to the “how to” portion. You’ve got your ingredients, now it’s time to…
Preheat the oven to 350 (but maybe do that later because whenever I’ve preheat the oven right away, it’s left me with wasted heat due to the fact that it takes me forever to prep. But if you’re fast then hey, go for it. You do you.)
Mix all of the flours. And salt. And anything dry, but save the chocolate chips for later.
Mix all of the wet ingredients (that includes melted butter and cream cheese, but doesn’t include raspberry extract). Blend together. Blenders help for this type of thing.
If you’re wondering how to make a chia egg, you just take a tablespoon of chia seeds and add 3 tablespoons of water, and let them sit for like 15 minutes or until it has the consistency of an egg.
Add the chia egg to the wet ingredients and blend.
Mix everything together. Mix in 2 dashes of raspberry extract, or to taste.
Fold in the chocolate chips.
Pour into a greased cake pan.
Bake for like….alright here is the hard part…so we baked the cake at 350 for 20 minutes, and then 5, and then 7, and then 5, and then another 5, but we lowered it to 325 at the 7 minute mark. So the bake time is very loose and experimental. Maybe 350 for 45 minutes, but check to make sure it’s not getting brown on the edges because then you’ll have to lower the temperature in order to leave it in longer. It’s a struggle. Truly.
So that’s that. Chocolate Chip Raspberry cake. The chocolate chips actually made it so amazing. Gotta love chocolate. Also, warning. If you’re trying to eat healthier, this will increase your appetite. That’s the nature of sweet things, even if it isn’t sugar.
Nutrition Facts (For the entire cake. Divide this by the number of slices)
So without sounding completely pretentious, allow me to explain my “health journey” or whatever. Whoops, already sounding like an arse. It’s not that trying to eat healthy is a bad thing, I guess it’s just that trying to eat healthy as a 15 year old girl can be seen as superficial. Which kind of sucks. For such a long time girls have been shamed for eating too much, but now society has reached a point where girls are more appealing if they’re “real”. Like the girl that eat a double burger with a side of fries is more likely to be approachable than the girl that eats a salad and a piece of fish. What I don’t get about that, is that society is now accepting eating more food, but is still hesitant to accept looking like what eating a burger and fries will do to you. It’s kind of a double standard if you ask me.
So this is why I don’t want to start a blog (like my mom wants me to). As a matter of fact, let me create a list for you. I love lists.
By starting a blog–a blog about eating healthy–I’ll look like one of those four year olds that puts on their parent’s glasses, and attempts to read a novel that has words with more syllables than their age, all under the illusion that they look like a grownup.
Or maybe I’ll look like one of those 9 year olds that try to wear makeup to school. It’s like no, you’re a kid. What are you doing. Stop.
Even at school when I turn down a cupcake, I feel like people are judging me. And I hate that because there is no balance. Eat three cupcakes–you’re ridiculous. Eat zero cupcakes–you’re either a square, or anorexic. By starting a blog, I am putting myself out there to the world. Labeling myself “Annoying Health Nut #19DSJ63”
Which leads me to putting myself out there in general. It’s just that people probably don’t care about all of this. Most likely, A) You won’t find my blog, and B) Even if you do, you’ll skip all of the blog-y stuff, and go straight to my killer recipes. Which I understand. I do that too. When I read a blog I skip all of the “My kids Teegan and Margo have really been keeping me on my toes lately. Luckily these [insert mason jar related DIY project] have served as a distraction for them! They even asked me to make more!” I just skip to the DIY project.
This is kind of a lie because I never do DIY projects. Ever. Period.
The real reason, I guess, that I don’t want to start a blog about this, is because I don’t want people to think that the reason is to look more like a Covergirl, or a Vogue model, or whatever other airbrushed fashion magazines there are.
So you ask me: Why then? Why are you cutting out lemon cake from your diet? That is the ultimate sacrifice.
And I will say: Alright, now we’re onto the whole “Health Journey” crap. To sum it all up, this started because I wanted to lose 10 pounds of fat for track, in exchange for more muscle. If you’re going to call me a Health Freak, than you better call me a Track Freak too. That’s me. I love sprinting. Love, love, love. I also want to be the best, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get closer to my goal. That started out with eating less junk food, and then it turned into this entire new lifestyle that I’ve adapted. There’s this guy named Dr. Rosedale (http://drrosedale.com/#axzz43eAbXQu9), and he has a diet where you eat low carbs, high fat, and less protein than you’d think. You start out super restrictive, and once your body starts burning fat rather than going straight to the carbs, you can broaden your horizons a bit more. It’s terribly sad because I often find myself scrolling through food accounts on Instagram just to pretend that I’m eating Nutella stuffed croissants (YUMMMMM), and I can’t even eat raspberries at this point, but I know that it’ll be worth it.
One of the weirdest things for me, from this whole experience, is realizing, in retrospect, just how much I trashed my body. Now I can’t unsee it. The American diet is kind of wretched. I’m not going to be that friend that shames everyone for what they’re eating, but I just watch from the sidelines, torn between wanting to ask for a piece of that cookie, and torn between wanting to knock it straight out of their hands because holy heck that alone would throw me over my carb limit.
It’s a struggle. This entire thing is. But hey, at least you’ll have more recipes to make this a bit easier for both of us!